What to do when you're fired at 50

I was recently laid off after 15 years with the same company.  The layoff was somewhat voluntary because I was offered the ability to move to Albany New York and maintain my executive marketing role in the organization.  However, my wife’s only living relative, a sister that is 15 months older, lives on the same street five doors up from us.  The relocation would create a significant strain on my wife’s support network.  Based on my role in marketing, I’m regularly on the road 50-75% of any given month.  There have been years where I have had “Gold” and “100K” status on more than one airline.   Moving my wife to Albany would leave her with no support network.  “Yeah but she’ll meet other parents through the neighborhood and parent teachers conferences…” We don’t have kids, well we do have four legged, furry kids but the standard social networks that kick in when you move a family don’t really apply to us.  In short, I’m looking for a Unicorn, an executive marketing role where I can work remotely. 

I’ve had two months of initial interviews where I consistently hear “your resume is impressive” but I share that relocation may not be possible and the door shuts, the interview ends and I continue the process all over again.  So after embarking on the definition of insanity for a few months I’ve taken a holiday from my standard way of thinking.  I’ve stepped back and started assessing my career goals and why I’ve been working toward them.  I’ve also challenged my logic at every juncture.  If I had a goal or objective, I asked why am I doing it?  I wanted to explore if I could alter my career goals and still fundamentally continue to support my primary goal or in the HBO series Westworld terms, maintain my “Cornerstone”, in this case the goal or event that defines me.   In my assessment I determined that financial security was the most important reason behind my historical goals and aspirations.  For example, why do I want to be VP of Sales and Marketing?  In my perception the position and title equal a particular compensation that I’ve been working to achieve:

Position = Salary = Financial Security

I then had to ask myself – “What is financial security?” why did I feel that I needed to make that amount per month and per year?  As I sought to define it I determined that for me financial security is the ability to pay my bills without watching the mailbox every day for a check.  Here is my cornerstone event:  I grew up with the stress of unstable finances.  My father was a sole proprietor and single parent.  An amazing man who constantly faced adversity head on and maintained a positive attitude all the way through it.  During difficult times each month I remember my Dad would write check at the store just hoping that in the next day or two we’d get a check in the mail so that the check he wrote would be covered.   Not entirely ethical but he kept a little food in the cupboard for his preteen son.  By the time I was 14 years old my father went bankrupt.  When the bank came to seize my father’s assets, they left everything.  We had no assets of value.  They left the beige 74 Chevy panel van with the big dent in the hood and rusted rocker panels, the basement furniture that had been given to us by friends or relatives, which we recovered by hand with left over drapery fabric from Dad’s window covering business.  I bought my school clothes at thrift stores and received the charity of shoes that no longer fit my friends.  We used old “Cool-Whip” containers as bowls and mayonnaise jars as drinking glasses.  On the other side of all of this I grew up surrounded by friends and relatives that were financially stable or what I considered “financially successful”.  The common thread for all of those people that I saw around me was college.  They all completed a four-year degree. 

When I was 19 years old I made the decision to go into the military so that I could attend college.  My goal was to utilize the G.I. bill to pay for school, graduate from college, find a position where I would work for a company, receive a salary and sell a commodity where I was compensated every time it was used or purchased.  A year after graduating from college I got my first medical sales job in pharmaceuticals and then six years later moved to a start up medical device company.  The start up grew and was purchased three years later by a mid size company.  I’ve advanced my career there for the past 10 years.  Most recently I held the position of Director of Global Marketing.  A far cry from the kid eating from Cool-Whip containers and drinking from mayonnaise jars.  Financial security in my life also means the ability to help others that need assistance.  Both of my parents are on fixed Social Security incomes and occasionally need money to cover medical expenses or even buy groceries.  I’m the only one of three children that attended college with a higher than average income for our area and available disposable income.  We also contribute regularly to friends in need as well as charities.  I want to maintain that “lifestyle” with my next career move.

Financial Security = ability to support my family – living paycheck to paycheck

So if my cornerstone is financial security and the career goal only a means to achieve that financial security I needed to ask myself if I could achieve my goal through other methods.  Did I still need to work toward VP of Sales and Marketing?  Did my family need to suck it up and make a sacrificial move so that we could maintain our “lifestyle”?

The answer I reached was “no” – I recognize that there are ways to alter the amount we need every month to maintain financial security so we could do more with less.  Within the marketing field, there are other career paths to explore, which may include consulting, retraining into new markets or focusing on start up organizations where the structure and location are more fluid.  However, before making a decision to stay in the field I’m in, I also needed to ask, “Do I like what I’m doing?”  I obviously enjoy the financial benefits the position yields but do I enjoy the role or just endure it?  While I was just starting out in pharmaceuticals I moved to a new city.  I didn’t really know anyone outside of the clinics that I called on so I adopted a philosophy of “Do what you enjoy and the rest will follow”.   I joined a masters rowing team and developed a wonderful network of professionals while keeping ties to my days as a college athlete in rowing.  I went to Starbucks® every night to write in my journal, enter my receipts for the day into my computer and drink coffee.  That’s where I met my wife.  She was a Barista at Starbucks and I knew she was the woman that I was going to marry as I looked at her across the counter.  A true 1990’s love story and we’ve been together for over 22 years.  “Do what you enjoy and the rest will follow” is a philosophy of living that I believe in so I had to ask the question “Do I enjoy what I do?”  Inevitably the answer to that question is yes.  I enjoy working with customers, physicians and engineers to design and market products that make a significant difference in peoples lives. 

As I look at the larger question of “What do I want to do?" the answer is in general terms of the impact I want to achieve:  I want to have a positive impact on others around me.  I also want to continue to be successful.  “Success” in this case relates to my cornerstone of financial security and the ability to take care of my family.

As I consider my view of success I also consider the question of “Who do I want to be?”  I view those qualities as a more philosophical question versus the nuts and bolts of what do I want to do for a living.  For example when I look at “Who do I want to be?” I arrive at how I want to interact with others:

I want to be…

·       Present in my family’s life

·       A leader

·       An inspiration to others

·       A positive role model

·       Confident

·       Compassionate

·       Empathetic

·       Calm

·       Reliable

·       Trust worthy

·       Competitive

So, I’ve decided that I like what I do and it supports my cornerstone objective of financial security.  I have a clear view of who I want to be but still I’m faced with how do I continue in this role?  What are the barriers and obstacles to achieving my goal?  Can I overcome the major obstacle that I've encountered, relocation?

Consulting is a logical choice.  Networking with startups and finding niche opportunities in larger organizations where my experience can be a benefit.  However, recall my history with sole proprietorship:  Eating from Cool Whip containers and mayonnaise jars for drinking glasses.  My entire goal in attending college was to find the financial stability that I lacked as I grew up and here I am considering a role where I may need to find work every month.  I’m not sure that I’m ready for that pathway.  Am I simply lacking confidence?  What other choices do I have?  Should I change my career path to accommodate the local economy?  If I could do anything – what would it be?  What is my dream career?  Can my dream career support my life goals?  What are my life goals or are they aspirational/material goals?  Hey Stanley – maybe you’re just over thinking this whole f-ing thing!  But I’m not.  These are all relevant questions as I look at the next 15 years and how I want to live my life.  If I want to be present, I need alternatives to 75% travel or a “partial relocation” where I’m only at home on the weekends.  As I reconsider all of this it really means that financial security is not my actual cornerstone – not relocating, staying close to my family is the one thing I am least likely to compromise, even if it means risking financial security or abandoning my career goals.

Every morning since I left my previous job I stare into my black coffee and ask myself, “What am I going to do next?”  Coffee is a great listener but not much for providing solutions.  Although I’m sure there are studies that show caffeine is good for concentration – another story, another time… 

I haven’t come to a final conclusion.  My life right now is a work in progress.  I have some time to make a choice and then create the plan for the next move.  If I were to workbook the process I’ve been working through it would look something like this:

• Who do you want to be?
• What do you want to do? 
• What is most important to you?
• What is your “Cornerstone” event and objective?
• What are your career goals?
• Why are you working toward those objectives and goals? 
• What are the obstacles to accomplishing your career goals?
• How do you remove those obstacles? 
• What sacrifices do you need to make in order to achieve them?
• Are you willing to make those sacrifices? 
• Are you willing to step away from your career goals to pursue a different direction?
• What are your life/aspirational/material goals? 
• What is your dream career?
• How can you make your dream career support your goals? 
• If you can’t embark on your dream career – what do you want to do next?
• While you’re looking – how can you improve yourself? 
• Make a choice – Make a plan – Work the plan – Reach the goal

I shared this content with my friend and former co-worker Holly Caplan as she was preparing for an article soon to be published on www.theladders.com and she recommended that I post this blog.  Thanks Holly!